Good News, I'm not celibate!

So this morning as we were driving to work, I had a quiet moment of thought that led to some deep truths.
1) Sunshine and no snow is like free Prozac, which is great for those of us on a budget!
2) I really need to be more inspired to do something more than just put my hair up in a bun everyday.
3) I don't think that God wants me to be single forever!

Seriously! You should see my hair lately, blah!

As the first two points are easily understood (especially those of us living in GreyDale, something similar to a Seuss-ville-esque type of land that lacks rays, and forces us to bask in the light of imitation and electrical sun) I thought that number three should be unpacked and explained further.

My apartment is a mess. It's a mess right now because for the past week I have been strung out, getting little sleep working on a video project. I have a mug of coffee sitting on the floor in my hallway right now. It's sitting there because I was trying to get the very last sip I could as I tied my shoes and walked out the door this morning. I have laundry piled up because my washing machine is broken. This is not me. For peet's sake, Bernstein Bears Messy Room was my favorite book growing up, Office Depot was my fav back-to-school shopping and I was disappointed when my parents surprised me with a little sister instead of a closet organizer when I was 7. Organization is in my blood! And yet, there is no sign in my current living space that I'm that same girl.

That is what I was thinking about this morning. I was taking inventory of everything that I needed to get done when I came home tonight and wondering what it would be like if I lived with someone. Would I be this person still? Oh man, would I leave mugs in the sink for days?

No! (shudder) no I would not. And there are a couple of clear reasons why,

1) I care way too much about my reputation and facade of 'having it all together' to ruin it. This is powerful motivation! Although its a bit ironic that I'm telling you all about my hallway mug

2) One of my spiritual gifts is hospitality, like I said, in the blood! I love having people in my home and I want it to be a comfortable and relaxing place for them. This brings me a lot of joy to cook and clean for them. So I die...symbolically...when there is a chance that someone will see my mess. No one wants to relax and enjoy their time in a mess. It rubs against the natural grain of how God has made me.*

So why is this not being realized in my life when no one is watching? Which reminded me how much I was looking forward to living by myself to see and experience the 'real-raw' me. The person that I am when no one is looking. Not a woman that does things because I should but because it's want I want to do, as a natural expression of me. Year to Date Report: Yep! This is girl is expressing herself all over the house!

And finally my conclusion...and a tie back to the word celibate, which if you are honest is why you decided to read this blog post in the first place. Whoever says using sexy words is a cheap marketing ploy was right. I refer you above to my comment on budgeting, I'm tryin real hard.

I work and live better with people. When I spend too much time alone, I am undone, messy and unmotivated. I love the synergy that is created when a team of people come together on a project, I love laughing with other people (instead of only myself, that's just awkward) and I adore the shared experience.

Which tells me something. That God has designed me to be with other people. I have taken a liberal interpretation of this highly scientific and theological thought and concluded that this must mean that God wants me to be married!!! (I have already registered all of my kitchen dishes and Kitchen-aid freestanding mixers at Macy's in my head)

Maybe I skipped a step and made a conclusion beyond the data. Maybe God wants me to be a permanent roommate (Ugh! I'll work on getting excited about that one. Can I still register just for a few things, would that be awkward?) But whatever. Either way, I feel that this season of living alone needs to have an end date. It's been good, it's shown me the real RAW me, deep down. And I see that my hallway decoration with a mug, albeit a Polish Pottery mug, is not really the look that I was going for. I recognize my need for people and the motivation that comes from living with another person is a good thing. Honestly, it's hard for me to say that I need anything, but in this case I need a partner. Weather that be a roommate or husband (whichever one comes with the Kitchen-aid mixer).

*If there are any former roommates reading this, parents included, that want to bring issue with my statement that I would not live a messy life with other people I want to preempt your remarks. BEDROOMS are no go zones. If I need to I can shut the door and no one is the wiser about the state of my room. I only count on the public areas as places that should remain clear and clean and presentable. The issue of my time management skills, when I wake up late and am rushing and need to unload my entire dresser of clothes on my floor, and then take a few days to reload the arsenal, which is pointless anyway because it's only going to happen again tomorrow...those issues, are not the topic of discussion today.